Oh Baby

Caution: This entry talks about our sex life and things that go along with having a baby.  If that’s something you could do without, don’t read.

Eddie and I have been trying to have a child since about 3 months after we got married.  So, about 4.5 years, with the exception of about 9 months’ time before/after my bariatric surgery when I was on the pill.  We were never exceptionally rigid with timing, we just didn’t prevent.  We weren’t a couple that was like “DAY 14 CHOP CHOP” but we are a fairly healthy, active married couple, so take that for what it’s worth.

I have yet to have a positive pregnancy test.  Prior to my bariatric surgery, my cycle was fairly irregular.  I would have months when I didn’t get a period, and then I would have weeks where I would practically hemorrhage and contemplate going to the emergency room.  (You were warned)  After surgery, when I decided to go off the pill, I held my breath that things would regulate since I was nearly 120 pounds lighter.  And they did!  I use an app to track periods/ovulation and my cycle is around 25 days now.  Even with that knowledge though, and making sure we do the deed during predicted ovulation days, we haven’t had any luck.

I used to be on the fence about whether or not I would want to see a fertility specialist.  I worried that if I found out something was wrong with me, I would feel like less of a woman, or a failure somehow, or that if Eddie had problems with his fertility that he would feel less of a man.  I thought that it was better to just try our best, and if it happened it happened, and if not, then it wasn’t meant to be.  I kind of go back and forth between dying to be a mom, and then realizing the type of luxuries that child-free life affords.  We have nieces and nephews we love dearly, and sometimes I wonder if that is enough.  But then I have times when I feel like it isn’t enough, that I want someone else to join our family.

A few of my friends have been open about their fertility struggles, and at times, that seems scary–I’ve seen those needles some of you have to inject meds with!  But on the other hand, it’s helpful to know that they are sharing their journey openly.  Fertility and sex in general seems like some big secret that no one talks about.  But let’s face it, I’m in a committed, married relationship, and I have sex with my husband.  Whether that sex is simply recreational or with a purpose of having a child, it happens, and why do we need to be so hush hush about it?

So, yesterday I had my annual visit with my gynecologist at Carle, Dr. Spain (love her!).  She was so supportive about the weight I had lost, and I was really comfortable discussing with her the fact that Eddie and I would like to have a child, but it hasn’t happened for us yet.  She educated me about the medical definition of infertility (if you have been trying a year or more with no pregnancy, you are deemed “infertile”), and educated me about what the first steps at examining our fertility would be.  First, track periods (I’m already doing this).  Next, she recommends getting an ovulation tracker at the drug store to see if I am in fact ovulating.  That will help in knowing if and where a problem may lie.  If I’m not ovulating, we can go from there and try to use medication to stimulate ovulation.  If I am ovulating, then we see why Eddie’s swimmers aren’t a fan of my egg.  Next, she gave me a referral to reproductive medicine.  We will go on July 9 to see Dr. Fay at Carle (who I have heard really good things about).  We will get a packet of info beforehand to fill out so that she has the dirt on our history and we can go from there to see what the next steps are.

Just as I was very open on here about our bariatric surgery, I have discussed with Eddie the plan to be open on here about our fertility struggles.  If those friends of mine hadn’t shared their struggles, it may not have given me the courage to speak up to my doctor, so hopefully sharing my journey with others can do the same for someone else.  Additionally, this is an easy way to reach a lot of people–family, friends, etc.  So please don’t be offended if you read about something on here that we haven’t discussed with you personally.  It doesn’t mean that we aren’t willing to talk about it on an individual level with you, but it just means that this is the easiest way to share with the most amount of people at once.

If any of you reading have gone through this and would like to share your journey with me, I’d love to listen.  Feel free to comment, or message me on facebook, or email me at teale.larosa@gmail.com and I’d love to chat!

Long time no see!

I haven’t blogged in quite some time, so I have a few minutes and am going to try to do a quick catch-up.

Eddie and I both celebrated one year post op since the beginning of the year.  He celebrated his in February, and I celebrated mine in April.  It’s hard to believe a year has gone by already since our surgeries.  We both agree that we would definitely make the same decision if we had to do it all over again.  It has definitely been worth it.  Eddie has been at his goal weight (and then some) since September 2013, and has even lost a little since then.  He’s been working to stabilize at a weight that is comfortable to him, which has ranged anywhere from 160-180.

Since the first of the year I personally have been struggling to maintain my focus.  Right after the first of the year, my Poppy was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and passed away about a month after receiving that diagnosis.  That whirlwind was really tough to deal with at the time, and continues to be difficult to deal with daily as I try to tie up loose ends regarding my parents’ estate.  Thankfully they left me with not many ends to tie up, but of course there are some, as that goes with the territory of someone passing away.  Since about the first of the year I would say that I “relapsed” when it came to using food to cope.  I didn’t completely go back to my “old ways”, but I really struggled to maintain my daily routine with food, exercise, and just my whole health in general.  I let my gym membership lapse without renewing, eating out became more frequent and grocery shopping less frequent, and mentally I felt sad a lot of the time.  Add to that two vacations, where people typically splurge, and I was really struggling.  I was dreading going to my one-year appointment with the dietitian and surgeon because I felt embarrassed that I had not made more progress.  In fact, in all honesty, I had gained about 20 pounds back since the first of the year.

Meeting with the dietitian and being open with her was actually helpful to me.  We made a plan for me to get back on track, and I am going to re-apply for my gym membership by the end of the week (which is today!), as well as start attending my weekly Zumba classes again locally.  In addition, I am getting back to recording my food with myfitnesspal.  Even if it’s not a “good” food day, I need to record it and stay accountable.  Thankfully, she is going to email with me about once a week to check in on me, which is so lovely of her to do, and is above and beyond what she would have to do in her job.

I recently purchased a necklace that says “Find joy in the journey” and I feel like I really need to remember that.  It’s not about getting to the end result, but it’s about enjoying the process of getting there as well.  Doing things I’ve never been able to do before, enjoying life as a healthier version of myself, and just enjoying the journey, wherever that may take me.