Try, Try Again…

Three years ago was the start of a tough time in my life.  Poppy died.  I had the enormous task of cleaning a house filled with 30 years of memories.  I sold that house.  We tried to have a baby.  I was told by the fertility doctor that she wouldn’t help me until I lost 30 more pounds (after losing 150 already).  I got a mass in my breast.  I had several mammograms at 30 years old.  I had surgery to remove the mass (not cancerous, woo!).  It was a whirlwind.  I gained a lot of weight.  And I’ve felt a lot of guilt.

I allowed these things to get in my way and I allowed them to be the excuses for my re-gain post WLS.  I accepted that I would continue to be heavy.  I accepted that I probably wouldn’t have a baby ever.  I figured it is what it is.  But I’m trying to convince myself that it doesn’t have to be.

We are going next week to a fertility specialist in the Indianapolis area.  I don’t know what she’ll say.  I don’t know if she’ll help us.  I don’t know how we will afford it.  But we are going to try.  I don’t want it to be a waste of their time or ours, and I hope it won’t be.  I know she will tell me I need to lose weight (yeah, like I don’t know that?), but I’m hopeful it will be a more positive experience than I had with the last specialist.

Time will tell…


One thought on “Try, Try Again…

  1. Sometimes I think doctors use the phrase “you need to lose weight” as way to make them feel they are doing their part while maintaining a hands off approach. You can’t get pregnant…lose weight. Tired all the time…lose weight. Back ache…tummy ache…splinter…lose weight. I had a doctor who was a Gynecologist AND a Bariatric specialist who told me I would be a “nightmare pregnant patient.” Gee…thanks. I was not trying at the time and was MUCH lighter than I am now. Back then, we had no clue that there was a tumor on my hypothalamus that would make my struggle be life long! Fast forward to 2003 my then husband and I were actively trying, frustrated and considering adoption. Of course, Maverick was born in 2006, so we didn’t go that route. It really was frustrating as we had considered trying to get pregnant before our wedding. My pregnancy was healthy until the last 3 days and he was born with perfect scores! Fast forward again to 2008 when I was on the pill and had NO DESIRE to be pregnant and BOOM…pregnant with twins. Someone else reading this might think it’s insensitive to discuss these pregnancies, but you know me better than that. The truth is, doctors are trying to remove liability before helping you, which makes it even more stressful. They get your hopes up that weight could be the reason you are not yet pregnant. I’m frustrated for you, dear friend!

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